I was thinking back to my first day of college today… Our teacher had our small class of 25 students each write three words on a piece of paper to describe ourselves as part of a “getting-to-know-each-other” exercise. As an eager eighteen year old, I can remember writing such trite and vapid words as, “friendly, bubbly and excited” on a piece of paper to share with the class.
It made me wonder… If someone had asked me that question again, now, what would my three words be?
Those three words might truly be the very essence of who I am. My soul.
First and foremost, I am a dreamer. I am an eternal optimist. I am hopeful. I believe that the world is good. I believe that people are good. I believe in peace and love and, most importantly, kindness. I have always had my head in the clouds. My thoughts are constantly elsewhere. The only time I don’t have a continuous battle in my mind to be present is when I’m travelling. Which brings me to my second word…
Restless. I know deep down I will always be restless. I will always have a wandering soul. I’m never truly happy unless I’m on the road. And then, after I’ve been away for a while, I come home. It always feels really good to come home. I like being home, but then after a while I get restless again. It has always been this way, and I fear it may be my curse that I will always be this way. I saw a quote floating around social media that said, “You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” Part of my heart will always be elsewhere. I can’t help it. It just is. There are too many amazing sights to be seen and experiences to be had and wonderful people to be met for me to ever feel like I’ve ever had enough.
Free. The other two words describe who I am. This word describes who and what I am always striving to be. I am constantly chasing freedom. My entire being aches for this, more than anything, all the time. Perhaps this is the purest and simplest reason why I am such a restless dreamer in the first place – why I feel the need to wander far and wide – to feel free. And I have felt true, genuine freedom on the top of a mountain, and on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean, and in the centre of a lush rainforest, and in the heart of an ancient city. There, more than anywhere, I feel free.
I know that if you have found this blog, and you are reading this now, that you’ll understand.